Family Guy – 12 May 2008
I was talking to a guy who told me he saw absolutely no value in a hug … that they were a waste of time, but always hugged me, because he thought it was just my Croatian way.
Physical touch was obviously not his love language. BUT, I believe that despite the low value he puts on them, hugs and physical contact are essential for life!
And the evidence speaks for itself …
In Germany, during the second world war, several small orphan babies were put into a hospital. Within weeks they were all on the verge of death, with half of them actually dying — and this, despite every care being taken for their physical health; scientifically & medically, their carers were doing whatsoever was needed. Then one psychoanalyst observed that the children simply needed some cuddling - somebody to hug them, somebody to make them feel significant. Food and medicine is simply not enough to survive. So the psychoanalyst made a rule that whosoever came into the room — a nurse, a doctor, a servant — had to give at least five minutes in the room to hugging and play with the children. The results were extraordinary – these dying babies started thriving.
Family therapist Virginia Satir goes as far to say that, “Hugging is healthy. It helps the body's immune system, keeps you healthier; cures depression, reduces stress, induces sleep. It's invigorating and rejuvenating … Hugging significantly increases your body's production of endorphins...”
She simplifies it this way,” We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.”
How does this apply to our children? If the evidence to true, and it is … then we need to be hugging our kids as much as possible … never miss a moment. In fact, lessons given with a hug or some form of reinforcing touch will be remembered far longer than a lecture, because it will be associated with good feelings of parental love.
So here are a few ideas to help reinforce your message, and to ensure your kids know you love them:
• Give lots of hugs – start the day with them, don’t leave for work without one, don’t end the day without one. Start it young, and it’ll be natural even when they start to naturally pull away.
• Hold hands with your kids when your walking down the street … ok, so this one may not be that appropriate for a dad with his teenage son – but maybe this could be replaced with some good ‘man-hugs’.
• Do cool little things, like make eye contact across a crowded room, with smiles & winks.
• And probably most importantly, model all this behaviour first and foremost, with your spouse – don’t hide your love and affection for each other from your kids.
You can get a copy of this, as well as help and resources for your family from our Online Resource Centre – Family.org.nz. I’ll catch you next week, with more from the Family Guy.
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