Loving Toughness
Whether you need to heal a troubled marriage or maintain a healthy relationship, my recommendation is an attitude called "loving toughness".
The best way to keep a marriage healthy is to maintain a system of mutual accountability within the context of love. In other words, to carefully protect the line of respect between husband and wife. Let me give you a personal example. Suppose I work in my office two hours longer than usual on a particular night knowing that my wife is preparing a special candlelight dinner. If I don't call her to let her know I'll be late, you can be sure that I'll hear from her when I get home. Shirley would see my behaviour as insulting - and she'd be right. She'd say, in effect, "Jim what you did was selfish and I can't let it pass". In those few words she would have spoken her mind in love, held me accountable, and then we could move on together. In a healthy marriage, some things are worth defending, and mutual respect is at the top of the list. I'm not talking about nagging, insulting or publicly embarrassing your mate; but a workable system of "checks and balances" can help keep your marriage on course. This kind of mutual accountability is the best way I know to avoid an unexpected explosion when stored resentment and anger become a critical mass. Taken from Home with a Heart by Dr. James Dobson.
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